Relationship Building Strategies
A Guide to Self-Disclosure
What is self-disclosure?
Self-disclosure is the act of sharing personal information (e.g., interests, hobbies, preferences, aspects of one’s identity*, emotional experiences, and/or your own beliefs).
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Self-disclosure of hobbies and interests can provide a low-risk opportunity to humanize the therapist and build rapport with clients.
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Deeper personal disclosure involves sharing aspects of your identity, emotional experiences, or beliefs. This type of disclosure can be a riskier strategy because it may inadvertently put a client in a position of needing to comfort or reassure the clinician or switch the focus of a session to the clinician. At the same time, this type of disclosure can also be powerful in building authentic connection and normalizing experiences, when used appropriately.
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Self-disclosure may be clinician driven (e.g., clinician shares a personal anecdote to normalize an emotional experience) or in response to a client query (e.g., Do you have children?).
*Note: Some aspects of a clinician’s identity are more outwardly apparent such as race or religious identity (e.g., wearing a yarmulke or hijab), and therefore may be known without the therapist intentionally self-disclosing. In these instances, the therapist can choose whether a direct conversation about these aspects of their identity is warranted.
When to use self-disclosure
First and foremost, for all self-disclosure, the clinician MUST have a clear, clinically useful reason to use this strategy, such as:​
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To connect with the client
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To acknowledge difference and validate potential client concerns
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To acknowledge similarities and empathize with the client’s experience
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To normalize aspects of identity or mental health
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To reassure client that they are in a safe affirming space**
**Note: Clients, especially those from marginalized backgrounds, may worry about their safety when disclosing certain information (i.e., don’t say gay bill, Roe v. Wade reversal). Disclosing certain information (e.g., sharing pronouns) can establish the therapeutic space where diversity of opinion is welcomed, encouraged, and affirmed.
If a clinically useful reason for self-disclosure is identified, we encourage you to reflect on the following to support your decision making:
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Can I reach my therapeutic goal without making a self-disclosure?
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How might self-disclosure affect the existing power dynamic between me and the client?
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Is there any potential harm that could come from disclosing (e.g., burdening the client to comfort you, client feels misunderstood or not prioritized)?
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Am I assuming I have the same experience because I share similar aspects of identity?
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If there is no therapeutic reason for disclosure, if you don’t feel comfortable disclosing, or there is any potential risk to the client or therapeutic relationship that could arise from disclosure, we recommend not disclosing. If you determine self-disclosure is NOT clinically useful in response to a direct client query, you can model appropriate boundary setting for your client. Sample language: “I am not comfortable sharing that and I want to explain why. But first, let’s talk about why understanding that is important to you and if you need to know that to move forward.”
Examples of self-disclosure that may be useful
Disclose Interests
Clinical Utility: Build rapport and increase engagement.
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Scenario: Sarah, a socially anxious 11-year-old client, has mentioned before that she loves her dog, and he helps calm her down.
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Sample language: "I have a dog too! My dog’s name is Snoopy. What is your dog’s name? If you’d like, you can bring your dog to our video session next week and tell me a little more about him."
Assessing impact of self-disclosure
If you engage in a self-disclosure, be present with your client and notice their reactions to determine if it had its intended effects. ​​
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What are the verbal and non-verbal cues that I am receiving from the client (taking into consideration what is culturally normative regarding non-verbal interaction for that client).
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Body language: Does their body relax or tense?
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Eye Contact: Does their eye contact shift?
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Speech: Does their rate of response change?
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If you notice that your clients’ body language, eye contact, or speech shifts negatively, consider pausing and discussing your observation which can include a disclosure of your own feelings.
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​Sample language: "I notice your shoulders tensing up and you looking down, it seems like this conversation may be uncomfortable for you. Would you like to take a pause and talk about something else? We can always come back to talking about this later if you would like.”
​*Note that if you notice these same responses in the context of an exposure, the response would be slightly different and might focus more on breaking down the practice to make it more manageable, rather than avoiding all together (unless you ultimately decide the original exposure was not appropriate).